نقاش ويكيبيديا:برنامج ويكيبيديا للتعليم/مناهج دراسية/ترجمة، خالد الشهاري/مسودة ترجمة الفريق الثالث

Introduction

The source text (ST) is originally published in Wikipedia. It a scientific description of a marine creature called (Muricidae) with details about its shell, life habits, historical value and subfamilies. The text is worth translating into Arabic because it is already available in 18 languages, which gives a hint about its importance to readers worldwide.

Target Readership

Despite the fact that Wikipedia is available to all sorts of readers, only people with a deep scientific background in marine life are assumed to be of interest in this type of information. Thus, they are expected to have access to the meta-language and need not a lot of clarification or footnotes. The translation is shaped towards this specific type of readers but non-specialists will eventually have to search for further explanationس in other sources.

Strategic Decisions

Transliteration The main challenge of this text exists in finding the right equivalences for its technical terms. While some terms, like gastropod, neogastropod and varices periostracum, have direct Arabic equivalence, others have been transliterated, including the title itself due to lack of direct equivalence. The names of the sub-families have all been transliterated as well. Another issue is the use of taxonomic terminologies. "Family", for example, does not mean أسرة in the given context. In fact, it means "فصيلة", while "أسرة" means "subfamily". More examples are annotated in the translation.

Translation by addition The translator has decided to add or omit information in different places as deemed unharmful to the source message. In the first paragraph, the expression "unusual shells" has been translated as "قواقع غريبة الشكل". The addition of "الشكل" is inferred from the fact that they are considered "attractive by shell collectors and interior designers". Such people are specifically interested in strange unusual shapes. In the same sentence, the expression "interior designers" has been rendered as "مهندسي التصميم الداخلي" where the term "مهندسي" would provide idiomaticity to the translation. In interesting addition has been made to the clause "feed on other gastropods, bivalves, and barnacles". The translation is " تتغذى على رخويات أخرى من بطنيات الأرجل وذوات الصدفتين، بالإضافة إلى البرنقيلات القشرية". The terms "رخويات" and "القشرية" have been deemed necessary to draw a clear distinction between creatures from different marine phylums.

Translation by paraphrasing Sometime the translator has deemed a paraphrasing would be more appropriate than a transliteration although Baker (2001: 210) states that a paraphrase "cannot create the same kinds of association as a lexical item." To exemplify, the term "periostracum" which means an organic coating or skin does not have a direct Arabic correspondence. Therefore, it has been translated by means of a paraphrase as "طبقة جلدية عضوية".

Translation Shifts Some of Catford's (1965: 77-8) translation shifts proved to be helpful in theorizing some phenomena in this target text. There is a number of shifts have been incurred by the translator in an attempt to make the text sounds as if it was not a translation. The sentence "Muricid shells are variably shaped", for instance, has been translated as "تتنوع أشكال قواقع الموريسيدي" which conforms to the said verb + subject + object norm of Arabic (Mouakket: 1986). Other cases can be found in note 12, 17 and 18.

Decisions of Detail

1- This scientific name has been transliterated because it lacks a direct Arabic equivalent. It has been treated so wherever it appears in the text. Only at the beginning of the text the English term is borrowed. Dickins, Hervey and Higgins (2002: 35-6) and Baker (2001: 25)

2- Although the original term is "family", this translation is adopted from the biological classification chart provided in the following website: (https://ar.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%86%D9%8A%D9%81_%D8%AD%D9%8A%D9%88%D9%8A).

3- The subject "muricidae" has been omitted because it is inflected in the Arabic verb and already mentioned at the beginning of the paragraph. Baker (2001: 77) and Moaukket (1986: 37-42)

4- I used first the expression "بطنية الأرجل", but after deliberation and further readings I found out that the term "gastropod" is derived from the Ancient Greek where "-pod" means foot. So I changed the translation as "بطنيات الأقدام" throughout the target text.

5- As explained in other texts, "neo-" here means "recent", so I have rendered it into "حديثة". For the sake of clarity, the whole term "neogastropoda" has also been borrowed. Dickins, Hervey and Higgins (2002: 35-6)

6- The term "sub-families" is a biological classification which appears in Arabic as "أُسر" or "تحت عائلات". I have given preference to the more idiomatic choice "أسر" but also provided the literal "تحت عائلات" in brackets to notify the reader that it is not the classification "families". Nida (1946: 227-8)

7- The term "الشكل" has been added because the term "غريب" often seems to collocate with another genitive noun (e.g. غريب الشكل – غريب الأطوار – غريب الدار). I opted to "الشكل" particularly because the text describes that the muricidae has an unusually shaped shell and so it is considered attractive by shell collectors and interior designers. Translation by addition

8- This shows structural and class shifts. Catford (1965: 77-8)

9- The verb "تتسم" is added to cover for the proposition "with". Translation by addition

10- The adjective "دموية" is added to the text to show clarity and facilitate the description of the muricidae. Nida (1946: 227-8)

11- Due to lack of a direct Arabic equivalent, the term has been translated by means of a paraphrase. It means an organic coating or skin. Baker (2001: 37-8)

12- This also shows structural and class shifts. Starting the sentence with a verb sounds more natural here. Catford (1965: 77-8)

13- This verb is added to the text but actually it is expressed in the deep structure of the source sentence. Translation by addition

14- The addition of "رخويات" and later "القشرية" is expected to improve the ST and help the reader understand that the muricidae feeds on animals from two different classes. However, no factual change has been incurred here. Nida (1946: 227-8)

15- This term is added to avoid using the word "إفرازات" as I have used "تفرز".

16- This is an economical correspondence for "the scraping action of the radula". Vinay and Darbelnet (1995: 339)

17- This is a case of structural and class shifts. Catford (1965: 77-8)

18- A structural shift. Catford (1965: 77-8)

19- A modulation from passive to active. This is suitable for the preceding clause. Munday (2012: 88)

20- This name and the rest of the sub-families names are transliterated due to the lack of direct equivalence in Arabic.

Bibliography

Baker, M. (2011) In other words: a course book on translation. London: Routledge.

Catford J. (1965) A Linguistic Theory of Translation, An Essay in Applied Linguistics. London: Oxford.

Dickins, J., and Hervey, S. and Higgins, I. (2002) Thinking Arabic translation: a course book in translation methods: Arabic to English. London and Canada: Routledge.

Mouakket, A. (1986) Linguistic and translation: Some Semantic Problems in Arabic-English Translation. Washington D.C.: Georgetown University

Munday, J. (2012) Introducing Translation Studies: Theories and Applications. Routledge.

Nida, E. (1946) Toward a Science of Translating: With Special Reference to Principles and Procedures Involved in Bible Translating. Leiden

Reviser's Comments

Hello Yaqoob,

Well done!

I just have some suggestions for the translation

- تمثل To link the two sentences without the verb

 we can say 

مشكلة ما نسبته

- أمكن التعرف can be active voice For example , تعرف العلماء

- Similar point for حُددت . Maybe we can link and say وحددوا

- فصيلة I am not sure of this but you said in the very first sentence

عائلة which is similar to  
 تحت فصائل i think, to be consistent you can say   

- ولا على تحديد جنسها instead of ولا على تحديد الجنس

- تعتبر جذابة عند جامعي القواقع ومهندسي التصميم الداخلي

I think this sounds English , I am influenced too, let's try to make this active 

I suggest: يعتبرها جامعي القواقع ومهندسي التصميم الداخلي ذات شكل جذاب.

- I suggest نمط حياتها as there is habits in ST.

- السجل الأحفوري or سجلها الأحفوري

- بيضاوية إلى مقطبة بشكل أو بآخر . مقطبة I am thinking of

,  مقطب I have looked up the meaning of the word contracted it can be 

 and one of its meanings as well is: To reduce in size by drawing together; shrink. I am not sure , maybe we can say 

منكمش؟!

- Can we say طرف for margin?

- (وهي المدة التي يتطور فيها العرق الدموي) my suggestion here is to leave out the brackets and say :

حيث يبقى حجمها ثابتا لمدة تسمح بتطور العرق الدموي فيها

- لاحمة I found the word carnivorous in a dictionary of Biology, it says :لواحم

- You translate exploited natural beds of bivalves as

موائل طبيعية 
محميات Are they similar to ؟

and what about exploited ? you haven’t mentioned it.

- أكياس You translate capsules as

أغشية can we say  

because the text indicates it is protective I have a question here, can we use the word كبسولات؟

- باهض أو باهظ؟

!I know, it happens!

Thank you. I hope you find my suggestions useful

Best regards

Sharifa

Translator's Response

Thank you very much Sharifa. I am delighted to make use of your thorough and constructive comments. They have been happily incorporated, unless addressed below.

Regarding the first comment, your choice is absolutely correct but I would rather keep (تمثل) because it is economical.

فصيلة - عائلة

As indicated in my comments, those are fixed taxonomic terms obtained from the scientific biological classification chart. I have spoken to an Arab biologist in Durham University who confirmed the terms.

نمط حياتها

I see your point - valuable. I think it is also used so across Wikipedia. However, it does not seem important to the context, nor does its omission change the source message.

مقطب - منكمش

There is quite a difference between both terms. منكمش seems to indicate the size of the whole and might mean that the hole is totally contracted which is not case. مقطب, on the other hand, describes the shape of the whole (not the size). I happen to prefer the latter choice.

تطور العرق الدموي

There is very subtle difference between both choices in discussion. Your choice tells that the span "allows" the varix to develop, but I understand from the ST that the varix "definitely" develops at that stage. Both sentences read very similar but precision shall be maintained.

لاحمة - لواحم

Both are semantically the same and exchangeable. I will keep it as is.

موائل

They might become محميات if purposely made so.

Exploited

Thanks for bringing this up. I have missed it during the process of translation. I translated it now as المُستغلة. The professional revisers might have another say.

أكياس - أغشية

They look the same, but I will keep أكياس as it means using them as containers, while أغشية mean covers not necessarily bags or containers.

I am impressed of your professionalism Sharifa. Thanks for your precious time.

Teacher's Comments

Really excellent work. Excellent introduction, TR and strategic decisions. I like particularly how confident you are when responding to the reviser's comments. Thanks to the reviser too for the thorough job. The picture section is missing though.